Edgy and Dull

“It’s like somebody took knife, edgy and dull and cut a six inch gash in the middle of my soul.” I’m On Fire- Bruce Springsteen. I love that song, that saying. It feels that way to me sometimes, like my soul is gashed. I don’t know what causes this displacement of feelings, this spiritual torn in half horrible feeling, I just know that sometimes it happens.

I love songs or even out of context lines from songs that get my mood. The rest of the song is pretty good as well, but that line I love.

 I would post a link to the video, but I find the video to be horribly tacky. The song is about lust. The video is about lust between a married rich women and her mechanic. I am sorry if I am old fashioned but a romance between a married women and someone other than her husband is just gross. Love or lust or whatever should not involve a spouse who is left at home, torn in half. Love should not involve hurting someone and breaking vows. Even in my fantasies I cannot muster the idea of stepping outside of my marriage.

 Although this may be because my wildest fantasies are pretty boring. Most of the time I daydream that my husband and I find ourselves separated due to some horrible *but not too horrible*  fate, like he gets lost at sea on a comfortable desert island for a few months. Meanwhile, in his absence I somehow manage to get super fit, and super hot, sell my novel to a huge publishing house and buy a home by the sea, which I manage to keep perfectly stylish and pristine. When he returns from his voyage, I am so overjoyed to see him that I never take him for granted again, and he in turn sees that without him, I have my life in perfect order and he respects me for the wonder that I am. Sure, there are a few steamy moments when he first returns from his island, but I will keep them to myself. So there you have it, my wildest fantasy involves Architecture and Martha Stewart paint…

My Writing Scares Me

So I am up at midnight, the house is silent and dark. Everyone has been kissed, hugged, and snugglebugged. It is just me and the soft glow of my computer. I am editing Slip, and I come to the scene where the little girl is huddled in a small closet as her captor makes his way down the hall to her and the doornob rattles. Suddenly I find I am not so comfortable editing in a dark house at midnight. It seems that I should be over being able to scare myself. But I guess I am just a kid at heart.
This is not the first time I found I had to stop writing because of fear, the other time was when I was working on 13 Months and the main character dragged me through a swamp at midnight. Somehow this feels even creepier because the monsters in a swamp pale in comparison to what humans can do to eachother.
So now the lights are on, and I think I am going to wrap up the editing for the night.
I am super excited about getting Slip done. I have really enjoyed writing it and can't wait for some feedback from my readers. I think I will post the first page soon.
"It is easy to look at the choices of another person and think, “I would not have done that.” And you will be telling yourself the truth. YOU would not have done that if you were her, you with your unique set of life experiences would have made a different choice in her place, but if you truly were her, not some “walk a mile in her shoes” cliché but with only her life to draw from it is likely you (yes even you) would have made the same mistakes exactly. A slider knows this, and in this one way we are better equipped to deal with diversity than the rest of the world. Sometimes I think it is the only way. " -Miranda (Main Character of "Slip")

Honey

American Honey. I love that song. :) And I love our
bees because two or three times a year we get yummy honey. This is a fall batch compared to a summer batch. The difference in shade is due to the flowers available at different times of year. There is a subtle taste difference as well.

Immortal

“All men fear death. It’s a natural fear that consumes us all. We fear death because we feel that we haven’t loved well enough or loved at all, which ultimately are one and the same. However, when you make love with a truly great woman, one that deserves the utmost respect in this world and one that makes you feel truly powerful, that fear of death completely disappears. Because when you are sharing your body and heart with a great woman the world fades away.


You two are the only ones in the entire universe. You conquer what most lesser men have never conquered before, you have conquered a great woman’s heart, the most vulnerable thing she can offer to another. Death no longer lingers in the mind. Fear no longer clouds your heart. Only passion for living, and for loving, become your sole reality. This is no easy task for it takes insurmountable courage.

But remember this, for that moment when you are making love with a woman of true greatness you will feel immortal.” — Ernest Hemmingway








Don't Forget to Write...


Sometimes even if is seems clear, it still needs to be said. Don't forget to write. Every day. Please. If you are going to try to become a published author, you have to write. I am guilty of this too, I will write for some other website, or for school, or my blog, but not work on my own novel. The one thing that I actually enjoy will fall to between the cracks of so many other things that need to be done. Even if your only doing a page a day, don't forget to do it. Show up! Do if for you, because no one else can get that story that is locked up inside of you out. So get to work.

Go on... Get to it!

Beginning of "Star Crossed"

By Amanda Harris




 

I have never been out of Miami. Until I was seven I lived in a hundred year old house by the sea. Then my Mom died and I was swept into the penthouse at the top of Daddy’s downtown skyscraper. I have lived at the top of this tower for eleven years.
Two of the walls in my room are made of glass. When I was a small girl I used to pretend that I was a princess, high over the ocean, preparing for the day when the sea creatures would crown me their Queen. A prince charming never came in to play in these fantasies. I never felt the need to be saved, even if I was a lonely princess high in a tower.
Dad hired Lorelei to take care of me. She was only fourteen when she came to us, twice my age but still too young. She had trouble with human languages, but she was well versed in the magic, and Brazilian jujitsu. My Dad saw her as a natural fit as a nanny/body guard/ best friend/ Mother figure.  Dad always treated  her like another daughter and most people thought she was my sister. She taught me the ancient words that have been lost even by the Folk, and each and every day without exception she and I spar until one of us is flat on our back or broken.
Today I have finals in my third semester at University of Miami yet she still challenges me to a fight. At twenty-five she is stronger than she was when she began training me all those years ago. But I have come a long way from the lonely seven year old motherless child, who would tap out crying within ten minutes of each session.
“C’mon Morgan, you’re getting soft on me.”
Lorelei moved around me in a blur but I reached out my hand and easily found her hand, applying the right amount of pressure until I heard the satisfying ‘pop’ of the dislocation of her wrist. Lorelei grinned at me with an unmistakable sparkle in her eye and bowed to show that I won this round. I turned my back on her and walked out of the room.
“Good luck on your finals Morgan,” She called as I shut the door to the training room behind me.
Each day I need sun. It is not just because I am a Miami girl. I literally need the sun to recharge me. On my way to the roof my Dad tracked me down.
“Morgan, next time try to cut Lorelei some slack.”
“Dad you know she heals in like five minutes, and she would not let me leave  until I’ve proven myself,” I pouted just a bit when I replied.
“That is not the point” he called behind me as I continued up the stairs.
I admit that I felt a little pride at being told to go easy on the same person who nailed me to the ground so many times I could not count. But I could not let Dad see that.
“Sure Dad.”
“Good luck on finals,” He called as the door to the roof sealed shut behind me.
I started an Author page on Facebook.
 I love the writing, and even the editing, but the marketing? Not so much. But I need to figure it out and I have been told that Facebook is the place to start for networking. So here is the link: Amanda Harris "Like" me if you would like. ;)
Iris Johanson's Bonnie will be released in a month. I don't remember the last time I was so eager for a book release. If anyone is looking for a new author and have not tried Iris Johanson, her thrillers are addictive. I will put down anything and everything when I find her books. Her character Eve Duncan is a forensic sculptor (the best in the country) who is fueled by her own personal tragedy. The new book Bonnie is supposed to answer all the questions that the reader has from reading the rest of the Eve Duncan books.  If you browsing for a new author or if you already love Iris Johanson be sure to finish up the Eve Duncan series for when Bonnie is released in October.

The first Eve Duncan book is:




There are many in between, and Bonnie is coming out in October!



I have switched schools, and majors. This is exciting for me for many reasons, the least of which being the fact that I have eight glorious weeks off. During my eight weeks I plan to write, write, and write! Without regard to perfection, and even if my muse is lazy. Real writers write regardless of how they feel. I am so happy to be able to do this. I still have a lot on my plate with the kids but I will use this time wisely because it really is a gift. At the end of the eight weeks I am finishing my last bit of school up for my AA. Then starting on my BA in Psychology. I decided to switch because a degree in English, or a liberal arts degree is a very limited degree. I will have all the knowledge with a  Psychology degree that I would have with an English or Liberal Arts degree, yet I will be able to get a job with out any additional certification, whereas  if I stayed on my original path I would have had to get additional certification before searching for employment anywhere. I think I will enjoy studying how the mind works, and human nature, I think it will give me a greater ability at character development and I am looking forward to the classes I will take. But for now I am taking the next eight weeks to wholeheartedly pursue my original dream of being an author, before life gets so busy with school again that it goes to the back burner.    
It has been two months since I have been here. A few times I sat down with something to say, but deleted it all because it is not something I would want to read. My life has been pretty normal lately. Just finished my summer courses with all A's, I am enduring the Florida August, and dreading the fall semester to the point that I am tempted to skip it. But considering I started college about seven years later than everyone else, I really can not afford to skip a semester. But the burn out I am facing, and the book I am trying to write, make me feel like I cannot afford not to.

Meanwhile I will keep trying to improve my grammar, because a dear friend, and a book critic, both informed me that it could use a bit of work. I am eager to get one of the projects i am working on done and I know that when school starts it will grind to a halt... but still I am somewhat excited about learning Biology, Spanish, Math, and Magazine Writing in the fall.... somewhat.
Just Let Go...

I need to take my own advice. I think it to myself often, I tell my kids, I tell my writer friends... Just let go of trying to be perfect. Show up do your best and worry about the rest later.

I have not been taking my own advice. In fact I have been terrified to write for a while now. Why? I dunno, I guess because I am a perfectionist. But I don't let my kids wad up their work when they make a mistake. I don't let them quit because it is hard and they feel small to the task. So why have I let my fear cripple me?

I dunno. But on that note I am going to bed. I know... I know it would more inspirational to say on that note I am starting on my book as soon as I am done with this post, but I have a ton of homework to do tomorrow and the kids are having a sleep over tonight at my house so I need to rest at twelve thirty a.m.

Tomorrow, though... tomorrow I will let go of the fear and I will just do it... or some other cliche ... whatever.

Goodnight.
BAH
Rejections, bad reviews, bad days, writers block,low to no pay. Life won't go on hold so I can perfect my writing, and there don't seem to be a great deal of encouragement these days. I will keep on and cheer up soon. Today though... I just want to give up.
Anna Nicole Smith makes me ..... Hungry?  So I bought a stack of magazines from the thrift store, I was reading through a 2002 article with Anna Nicole Smith and reporter describes how she insisted he eat her jalapeno stuffed olives, and then follow them up with lemon soaked pickles. I can't get the combination out of my mind. I was never a fan of her, but after tasting the jalapeno olives... maybe she should have had a food network show. And the lemon soaked pickles? I have not been brave enough yet, not sure my taste buds could withstand such horror Nirvana. :)

BLOOD
I gave blood today. Not sure why they insist on using such big a** needles. I guess so the blood flows faster. I was focused on my daughter so I did not notice the needle till after the deed was done. This is a good thing. Now I have a big comfy t-shirt to show for my effort. Yep.
BURN OUT!  

I really wanted to spend the summer writing... But NO I had to take summer classes... In such a hurry to Graduate........... WHY???? So I can be qualified to write? I am not sure this is leading me there. In fact I am pretty sure that all of my college classes combined did not help my writing as much as when I just sat down each day and forced myself to write, then edit edit edit.  I am getting a little burned out and cynical about college all together.
I am addicted to Never Shout Never. They don't need my vote or publicity but I just had to share anyways. 

"Shine outward not inward. You've been a selfish little girl." -The Lousy Truth NSN.

"I'm only as tall as my heart will let me be, I am only as small as the world will make me seem." The Bright Side NSN

"Every thing you do is super f*#king cute and I can't stand it. " I can't stand it NSN

"We got a hard day coming if can't work out all the pissy little problems we've been fighting about." Love is our Weapon NSN





Book Review: Twisted by Lauri Halse Anderson.
I just finished reading Laurie Halse Anderson's Twisted. I sat down to read a few pages and then could not put it down. The main character, Tyler made me worry about him from the start and I had to keep reading to see him through. She writes about Mental Abuse in the most realistic way I have read. I love the book, and I am now a fan of Laurie Halse Anderson. I will be searching for more of her work. I would like to add though, that it states on the inside "Note: This is not a book for children." And I completely agree. I would not mind my sons reading it when they are 15 or older but there is no way I would give it to a ten year old.

Bottom line: I loved the book and read it in an afternoon.
I just watched "Legend" with the kids. It had a pg rating and the description was "elves and a woodland boy save princess and unicorn from a land of darkness". Seems okay for kids right? Not so much... seesh what were the standards for pg rating in 1984? I am not saying it should be R but at least pg 13... Cannabilism... demons in hell... and Tom Cruise in daisy dukes... come on. These thing need to be rerated! Although I must admit I enjoyed it, I am not so sure about the kid friendlyness.






My first full length novel (Green Light) has just been made available on Amazon kindle. My novella (Silent Sentinel) is also published to Amazon.  The kindle app can be downloaded to Android, Apple, Windows, and Windows Mobile, as well as other reading devices. Hope you enjoy!

This  is a picture I found of my Grandparents. I find it interesting that my Grandma also labeled the dog in the picture. It makes me realize that there is a world of things I never knew about her. Now it is too late to really know how she felt about dogs, or Motherhood, or her husband, or even that old truck behind  her. We always talked about the small stuff. I wish I knew the questions to ask when she was alive.
Feel Free to Follow Me.
I am looking forward to that very special day when I have a follower who I do not know. I love and appreciate each and everyone of my followers, but it should be noted that I know each of you.  :)  I am waiting for the day when one of you who come here through a google search or stumble upon me, or read my book, and decide that you like what you see enough to subscribe to new content. I know your out there...

So I  planned on taking the summer off of college to catch up on writing, reading, and to just catch my breath after a hard semester. (4.0 g.p.a.) but sense prevailed and now I am taking Religious Thought in The Old and New Testament. This will be worth six credits, and I feel it will make me finally get down and study my Bible because I always have a millions excuses not to, but how can I offer a valid testimony to my children or anyone without having read it?  So my dreams of a lazy summer are gone, but I think this will be a good thing.
Pack your bags, we are going on a trip! A group of evangelical Christians have decided to disregard the part of the bible that says that no one knows the day the Lord will come, who knows why oh yeah, because the 2012 hoopla made some people some big cash but they have decided that on May 21 2011 judgment day will occur. So you heard it here people. Get your hearts right, you have only got a little over a week before  you meet your maker!

Mark your calenders that is May 21, 2011. They say it will be an earthquake in the evening that everyone in the world will feel. Oh yeah and if you want to go ahead and change your will around and leave everything to me because your family will be called up, feel free. I mean as of May 21 you won't need your worldly goods anymore right?  Right.   


Rufus Wainwright - April Fools

"Nothings gonna change my world"....  

The kids all have a stomach bug, my husband is recovering from pleurisy and had to get four stitches in his chin today. They have all been home with me during spring break and now three days out of this school week and although I am extremely not  happy that they are in pain and sick, there is an undeniable sense of satisfaction going on right now for me. (wait, wait, put away the torches, let me finish) I am busy each day trying to distract them from their sickness, and up on and off through the nights with fevers, and this  week has made me realize how much they don't need me anymore. Although I look forward to this illness running it's course on out of my life, for the moment I will admit I am enjoying the extra snuggles, the extra time away from school, the excuse to baby them, cook their favorite foods, give them ice cream at five a.m., and just be the center of their universe again for just a moment.

So as I sit here after they are all asleep listening to Across The Universe I feel a deep sense of peace, like I did what I should of as a Mother today. Days ending like this are not as common as I would like, often I wonder if I yelled to much, did not yell enough? Gave them enough attention, too much? Today I feel like maybe this once I got it right. I can't wait for them to be well, I  hope one day soon when they are all  full of energy again I will put them all to bed and reflect on the day and feel the same sense of peace I feel now.

Some times it is easier to play nursemaid than mama though, because you know exactly what they need when they are not well but when they are healthy and  as a family you are running between school and the million other things that need doing each day you forget to take a moment really  be together.

How are you tonight?

A man who has negitively altered the course of history, is dead.
Osama Bin Laden is Dead. He has met the maker in whose name he has done so much evil and I doubt he is happy with how it all turns out in the afterlife for him.

I hope this is a time of turn around for our country. As I wait to hear our President speak I can't help but to think that I would like to hear Bush right now, somehow it seems fitting. No disrespect to Obama but I don't want to hear him tonight, I want Bush just for today I want to know how he feels, how the 9/11 victims feel, how the Mothers and Widows of the soldiers lost in this long war feel.

How is America tonight?
Today my husband and children built a TePee.

It took half the day, but it is very sturdy, roomy, and the kids think it is beyond Cool  :)

View from inside out the front door to the pond.

After the  leaves on the trees they used to weave it together die they are going to weave palm fronds into the sides, then it will be rain proof and look even cooler. Will post pics when that part is complete. Meanwhile the kids love that it is camouflaged into the background of trees.

I think they are all kinda cool for thinking of it, and spending the day making it happen.
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Done with school till fall. This is good thing. It is ironic that I am going to school because I love reading and writing and want to improve those skills to become an author and teacher, yet I have zero time for reading or writing anything outside of assignments. I am looking forward to a selfish summer of reading what interests me, and finishing up 'Slip'.
I am a Freakin Rain forest!

I just read this, http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/21/science/21gut.html?_r=1 and I am completely amazed (it don't usually take much). To sum up what it says if your to lazy to click: our bodies (guts) host one of three types of bacterial ecosystems. These bacterial ecosystems are different from each other and and one day can be used to differentiate between types of people the same way blood types do. So I have a bacteria type and a blood type. I am the Amazon! :)

What is really fasinating is that the scientist have not found a link between race or sex or age and the bacteria in a gut. So it is not like you just pick up the same bacteria that your family has. So many implications... read the article :)
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Also, all comments welcome.
Guest Post By Carla Renae. In the style of A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift. 

The original "A Modest Proposal" was written in 1729 by Jonathan Swift, it proposed cannibalism to prevent the starvation and death of millions, but the true proposal he was asking for was in the conclusion about what people should not approach him about. One of my final papers for school is to write my own proposal and how it would work with my true suggested proposals at the end. Please read this and tell me what you think. :)



An Imitation of “A Modest Proposal”
For the reduction of Murders, Political Corruption, Drug wars and expense of drug related crimes and to produce additional taxes.

It is a sad day when one considers the number of drug offenders incarcerated in the United States. We spend approximately $15 billion a year on anti-drug campaigns, incarcerating offenders and cleaning up demolition created by drug wars. There are many advantages to legalizing drugs in the United States and enacting laws against crimes like robbery, murder, and drug wars. There are approximately 200 million incarcerated people in the United States, of which 50 million are drug offenders, convicted of selling, buying, smuggling, growing, creating, DUI, robberies related to needing money for drugs, etc. I propose we legalize drugs, make them available at every purchasing center, whether it be a gas station or a Wal-mart.

This will be in an effort to reduce demolition due to drug wars, murders, expense on the US, political corruption and produce additional taxes to help with the deficit. Of the proposed $15 million spent on miscellaneous drug campaign items, $10 million is spent on incarcerating offenders, $2.7 million is spent cleaning up drug related fights, wars and crimes and $2.3 million is spent battling drug usage. Despite many efforts to keep drugs out of the US, they are still available to nearly every American. Why continue to fight them the same way and spend millions of dollars unnecessarily?


I propose we legalize each type of drug from cocaine to marijuana. These drugs could be produced by drug companies and farmers. With safeguards against inflation and inspections to verify the safety of the drugs. Producers of these products would not be able to charge absurd amounts to create/grow the product due to laws that could be enacted.
The stipulations to these readily available drugs: First, you must present ID and have it swiped into the computer, which will register your purchase with authorities. Second, pay for the purchase using cash or debit card, no credit cards will be accepted for these purchases. Third, you must be 21 or older and sign an affidavit that pops up on the credit card machine. This affidavit will require you to acknowledge and agree that you will not use these drugs prior to driving, while driving, or at work. It also requires you to acknowledge that if you are caught committing a crime such as DUI, robbery, or murder you understand that you may a. loose your license, b. loose a limb, c. be incarcerated for 30 days d. be put to death.

The laws that could be enacted are as follows: If you are found driving under the influence, the first time is $300 fine. The second time is incarceration for 30 days at the government farm. The third time your license is suspended for life, with weekend probation at the government farms. If you commit a robbery, under the influence or for money for drugs, incarcerated for 30 days the first offense at a government farm until time is served. At the government farms, your labor will repay your debt to society, you will work for free, your work earns your food and shelter. Runaways will loose 1 finger or a toe at a time. The second offense will earn you a government work camp job for 1 year. The third time, the one hand will be chopped off and limbs will continue to be removed until the action stops. There are preventative disability regulations for individuals who loose their limbs due to robbery. For murder offenses, you only get one chance. If you are found guilty of murder you will be put to death in the same manner in which you killed the victim.

There would also be laws for growing and creating, each government owned farm would be forced to get licenses for growing and creating. Each license would be specific to the trade, if you grow crops of marijuana, you have a marijuana license, etc. There would be inspections monthly of each site to verify codes and standards. If individuals were caught growing and selling without the liscense, they would be grossly fined and would go on a list for the authorities to track. Without proper liscensing if you are caught more than one time, you would then serve time at the government work camp helping produce crops for the US. The first time would be a year, the second time would carry a life sentence.
Cost at the point of sale for each type of drug would vary, but prices would be mandated by voting from the US citizens. Once the price has been decided by a majority vote by US citizens, each sales center is required to carry the product at that price. There would be no room for inflation or profit by the retailer. Taxes placed on these recreational items could be as high as 10% in some areas. The taxes made on recreational items would go directly towards debt payment.


No one need approach me with suggestions of a level tax across all classes, alleviating multiple taxation's of citizens monies so that they can afford to live, of creating laws to prevent inflation, laws that would minimize exorbitant profits from multi-million and billion dollar corporations, laws that prevent tax breaks from multi-million and billion dollar companies, of laws that regulate the price of nearly all products to stabilize our country, or laws that prevent outsourcing American jobs.

Therefore I repeat, no one need approach me about these proposals unless they are high hopes that they should be acted upon for the greater good of our country.


I am not so hellbent on my own opinion that I would reject a proposal by a wise person that could be found as sound. Prior to this wise persons suggestion I would like for them to consider how else the US could pay back the absurd debt that we have without destroying the middle and lower classes that carry the majority and should our economic system fail how would we feed the millions of Americans we have living here.


I confess I have the least personal interest in the proposed within, as I make less than $20,000 a year. My only influence is the ludicrous debt our society has and the possibility of preventing a recession.


By Carla Renae  http://www.facebook.com/DietCoke?sk=app_296328391504#!/profile.php?id=100001119690050
Today on...
facebook I read the word 'buddy' in place of 'but he'.  This shocked me more than a little. Then I wondered, if the people who make glaring errors on their posts would be writing at all?  Is facebook ensuring that people who would get zero writing practice after high school get at least a little? Maybe it is a good thing. At least he was trying. :/
So Katie says to me; "Mom why do boys think girls are beautiful?" I reply: "I guess the same reason girls think boys are handsome." Katie: "To bad me and my brothers have the same 'blood vessels' or we could get married," as she inspects the faint blue lines on her arms... I have not decided what to make of that one yet.
On our vacation my husband and I decided that we had to see where the Suwanee river meets the Gulf of Mexico. I felt like a child because I was so eager to see what it looked like when the two forces collided. I expected a great rush as the current of the river met the waves of the sea. In my mind I saw great water funnels as the two waters crashed together, surely there would be a natural show of water works similar to a great volcanic eruption! What I found upon arriving at the tributary was not an awesome show of two great forces colliding, yet it was aw- inspiring just the same. I discovered a magical place where pine tree meets the swaying palm, and fiddler crab meets crayfish and fields of natural salt marshes with fresh water creeks feeding them. I discovered a unique location in my own back yard. I thought that I knew the ocean, having lived in Florida all my life and camped too many nights to count with the sound of the waves sending me to dreamland. But this place was unique and more than that, pristine. The place where the spring fed water of the Suwanee meets the Gulf of Mexico was rustic and pure. As we wondered at the fiddler crabs scurrying out of a pine field and into a brackish creek we were chased back to our car by another Florida native, (although I never expected to meet them so close to the beach) a swarm of yellow flies let us know that this land belonged to the wild and there was a reason I never knew the riches that were hidden there. The Tributary is home to over 250 species of birds. We discovered our own garden of eden in Florida. Dolphin venture up woodsy creeks, although we did not get to see any that day knowing we could, while surrounded by pines and yellow flies made it all the more mysterious. I may not have encountered a violent show of nature as river meets ocean, but I was not disappointed. The co-existence of pine and palm, fiddler crab and fresh water oysters, gator and dolphin made me wonder if sometimes you could have your cake and eat it to. The next time my family is debating about whether to go camping in the woods or on the beach I can say that I know the perfect place where no one has to compromise.